THE VAULT

Hussein’s World! Party Time! Excellent!
December 29, 2006 by Julius Serpentine

Shwing!

Iraq is bringing in the New Year unconventionally, with the hanging of Saddam Hussein. While the current United States Administration was busy extolling the virtues of American ideals and governing systems to the Iraqi people, they forgot to teach Iraq to bring in the New Year with a proper party. Preferably, a party that lacks death by hanging, though death by drunk driving is the traditional alternative.

The details of the execution are being kept under wraps for security reasons. Apparently, so many Iraqis are excited about this execution extravaganza that letting the cat out of the bag may spoil the invitation-only event. Men with explosives have a bad habit of ruining things.

Hussein was tried under rules set by Iraq law, but still remains in American custody. Officials want to make sure the United States is not associated with the process of execution. They believe holding Hussein in custody through his entire trial and sentencing, right up until his execution will best accomplish this goal.

This is not to mention the entire invasion and massive manhunt that brought this all to fruition. It even led to the formation of an Iraqi tribunal to handle war crimes perpetrated by Hussein and his cohorts, despite the fact that an international court already exists that handles these types of charges. It was the feeling of the Iraqi government that the international court would not dole out the appropriate level of furious vengeance to satiate the masses.

Reportedly, Hussein’s last request is for newscasters around the world to stop calling him by his first name like they are friends. He will not be coming over this Sunday to watch the big football game, and not just because he will probably be dead by then. He is not your buddy.

The United States government used to call Hussein “buddy”, when his murderous despotism served their strategic interests. Freedom, democracy and a blistering number of catchphrases were not as important back then, but at least on Sundays they could count on a good game. Maybe they can send Saddam Hussein a football filled with nerve gas for old times sake.

~Julius Serpentine