THE VAULT

The Idea Log: Executions
December 22, 2006 by The Colonel

Let there be buttons!

This week was a monumental one for the staff here at Slantmouth. On Monday, we asked you for some help coming up with new and interesting execution ideas and you responded in droves. Our email servers were bloated nearly to capacity with the overwhelming response that we got from our readers, and now, Slantmouth presents you with the cream of the crop.

The first suggestion came from Alex:
“Don’t just use Coldplay… have a Quadrophonic broadcast of Coldplay, James Blunt, Travis and Cradle Of Filth (just to add a little variation). Combine that with a new drug I’ve invented called Maudlin (distilled straight from the veins of Chris Martin) and it’ll be over before you get to “You’re beautiful.””

Great stuff, Alex! Although we may have to throw some emo rock in there, just to give them something up-tempo to die to.

Next, we received an idea from Chance:
“Over a several millions men have been helped with the potent ingredients
in Pen-is Growth Patch – men have experienced bigger size, deeper penetration
more action, and super-satisfying results for themselves and
their partners.

Don’t be left behind! Take advantage of price specials going on now.”

So, Chance, you’re suggesting death by sodomy? Not sure we can get behind that, but that’s why we asked you.

And finally, from ½¬Ð¡½ã:

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4. ¶à¶Î³äÌîÓë¶à¶Î±£Ñ¹¿ØÖÆ£»
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6. ÄÚÓ¦Á¦¡¢ÀäÈ´Ëٶȡ¢ËÜÁÏÊÕËõ¶ÔËܼþÆ•ÖʵÄÓ°Ï죻
7. ËܽºÁ÷±äÁ¦Ñ§£ºËÜÁÏÈçºÎÁ÷¶¯¡¢ÅÅÏòÓë¸Ä±äÕ³¶È£¬¼ôÇÐÓë
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8. ½½×¢ÏµÍ³¡¢Àäȴϵͳ¡¢Ä£¾ß½á¹¹Óë×¢Ëܹ¤ÒÕÖ®¼äµÄ¹Øϵ¡£”

Hell, ½¬Ð¡½ã we couldn’t find a translator for whatever language you speak, but we rest assured you provided some mighty good methods for killing up some inmates!

Once again, thanks to all of our loyal readers for submitting your ideas. Now, whenever in need of ideas, we know exactly where to turn. As an added bonus our new favorite reader, Alex, will receive an Official Slantmouth Prize Pack with buttons, stickers and our new book, Slantmouth’s Guide to the End of Times!

The Official Slantmouth Store will be coming in the New Year!

Happy Holidays, (whether that’s Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Crazy Kwanzaa or Super Scientology Celebration Day) enjoy!

~The Colonel