THE VAULT

Thanksgiving 2006- A Retrospective
November 29, 2006 by Sol Holliday Holiday Monkey

If you’re like me, Thanksgiving makes you think of a lot of things (turkeys, Pilgrims, Indians, small pox), and while it was a week ago, I felt I needed distance on it to give an accurate account of what it means.

Thanksgiving is traditionally celebrated as a day to give thanks and for the Pilgrims, these thanks went to Squanto. He was their translator, their tour guide, and their hunting instructor. Without Squanto, the Pilgrims likely would have died quickly in the New World, starved into extinction and frozen to their overly-stylish pantaloons.

What many don’t know is that, in the late 1700’s, there were multiple Thanksgivings. Celebrations over various victories during the American Revolution resulted in all-time high for corn crops, and the native turkey being pushed to the brink of extinction. However, in 1783, brave President George Washington put an end to this madness, suggesting Thanksgiving was “to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness. Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, though I predict that in the future, this glorious holiday will serve as an opportunity for many the store and market to offer high-ticket consumer goods at low, low prices.”

Washington’s wisdom, apparently, knew no bounds. Today, people celebrate the fact that they’re going to get a bad assed 78” HDTV and an iPod at rock-bottom prices just a little more than things like health, family, friends, or even the fact that Earth didn’t get smashed with a cosmic ball of death. Let us remember this for Thanksgiving next year, and make sure that we’re thankful, at very least for the fact that we’re all still here… assuming global warming doesn’t get us first.

~Sol Holliday Holiday Monkey