THE VAULT

Holiday Monkey: Halloween 2006
October 31, 2006 by Sol Holliday Holiday Monkey

Greetings! Holiday Monkey here, coming to you from beyond the grave! As you may or may not know, today is Halloween. The most wicked of days is upon us! A day when goblins, ghouls, ghosts, and ghastly teens take to the streets seeking blood, carnage, vengeance toward ex-lovers, and of course, getting Mrs. Peterson’s trees super toilet-papery.

Tonight, as legend would have it, is the night that Satan himself is unchained from that backyard called hell and allowed to tread our tender mortal coil with his minions of murderous glee. Fear not, because being the rather clever primates that we are, we have a super-sweet plan.

What’s that plan? Blend in. It’s just like High School all over again. Sure, you may not want to paint your face whiter than Jacko’s, or put on more lipstick than a Miami whore, but the key is: blend in. Remember how you didn’t want those jocks to give you a wedgie? Well, just imagine the undead spirit of H.P. Lovecraft going atomic on your ass. So tonight, this night of evil and treachery, remember just one thing. Blend in.

~Sol Holliday Holiday Monkey