THE VAULT

Thursday, July 24, 2008
The WNBA: Fundamentally Boring
by Damien Atlas Sports Monkey

I love women, unless they play professional basketball. I’ve never paid much attention to women’s professional basketball. I guess I’d rather watch children cross a busy highway. At least with the children, there’s hope someone will eventually stop them. Who’s going to stop the WNBA? Probably no one, because while people actually care about children, no one cares about the WNBA.

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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Strait Trippin’
by The Colonel

Fellas, let's kill some speed boats!

Last week, in the Strait of Hormuz (which is conveniently located on the northern coast of Iran), a group of speed boats from the Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC) “provocatively” approached 3 US Navy vessels nearly sparking World War III and the very holocaust that all those prattling evangelical gits have been praying for so diligently. Unfortunately, the whole thing turned out to be the most hilarious practical joke in the history of the world, executed by none other than the Legendary “Filipino Monkey.” This international prankster tends to favor creating chaos in international shipping lanes and various other side-splitting stunts. Sadly, the Filipino Monkey, not unlike most monkeys, tends to hurl feces at folks at the worst conceivable times.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Don’t call me a turncoat. God knows that if there’s anyone more patriotic than your very own Colonel Moses Blackwell, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a big hat, and it’d be hard to eat. I don’t intend to be eating it anytime soon. But are we, as a nation, losing to win?

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