THE VAULT

It Has All Gone Enron
May 29, 2006 by The Colonel

Bastions of Light

This week, two innocent men were convicted on innumerable counts of conspiracy and fraud. Once lauded as the smartest guys in any room they entered, Jeffrey Skilling and Kenneth Lay weren’t smart enough to escape the ruthless efforts of a corrupt “Whistleblower” such as Sherron Watkins. Her obvious and brutal lust for power and fame has earned her the name, “The Buzzsaw,” and with good reason. But let us start during happier times in the Land of Enronopia.

The year was 1990- Enron and its executives were on top of the world. Things were good, the cigars were fresh and the women were fast. Kenneth Lay, idealistic dreamer, and Jeffrey Skilling cruised downtown Houston in a red convertible, flowing locks blowing in the breeze. They could have whatever they wanted, and at the time, it seemed this good fortune would last forever.

Truth was, people needed energy and they provided energy. How could things go wrong? The cosmos were perfectly balanced. All their chickens were counted. These gentlemen weren’t greedy; just look at all the good work they were doing. People had electricity, and for this, our heroes at Enron collected a nominal fee, which they used, mostly, to serve the community and (in all likelihood) pick up the occasional streetwalker.

They were living the American dream.

Then, something went horribly wrong. In 1993, Sherron “The Whistleblower” Watkins joined the staff at Enron, effectively turning the world upside down. Suddenly, Enron began to slide into the depths of greed and corruption. Was this a coincidence? Is anything really ever a coincidence?

Hippies LOVE Blackouts

A mere three years after Mrs. Watkins got her claws into Enron, California began to loosen controls on its energy market and takes measures to increase competition. Time passed, the virus spread, Watkins gained more control. June 14, 2000 blackouts occurred for 97,000 San Francisco Bay area customers. Gay pride parade after-parties were disrupted everywhere.

Speculation was rampant as to what was causing these widespread shortages and the rapidly increasing cost of electricity. Reports show that the executives at Enron were creating artificial power shortages and causing California state customers to foot the bill.

At this point, things were out of control at Enron. You may ask, “Why would the executives at Enron get so greedy all of a sudden?” Answer? They didn’t. One woman did. Though the “jury” might have been able to review the personal bank accounts of Mr. Lay and Mr. Skilling. And sure, the “courts” may have had access to “documentation” which proved these men guilty, but it has been scientifically proven that people let facts get in the way of instinct all the time. A shocking 43% of people know that.

Evil Incarnate

What one notices when they look beyond the facts is that women always control men. And a fetching lass such as Sherron “The Whistleblower” Watkins was “pulling the strings” of Mr. Lay and Mr. Skilling.

The rest, as they say, is history. Enron collapsed once word of corruption spread, and further, a massive scandal involving insider stock trading surfaced. The guilt was pinned, as in most cases, on the men “in charge,” and “The Whistleblower” Watkins was praised for her bravery.

She, however, should be the one facing 20 years in a luxurious country club of a prison. She only tattled to paint herself as a hero, and, of course, rake in millions by writing a book. Her plan has come full circle, and two innocent, beautiful men are now condemned to prison.

The American People hope you’re happy now, Sherron Watkins. May your nights be sleepless, and your womb barren, you evil, evil woman.

~The Colonel