THE VAULT

Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Beyonce and Beyond
by The Colonel

Real news! Get it, while supplies last!

Take it from the staff here at Slantmouth. Keeping up with the news is hard. I mean, it seems like every day something happens. Something new! Sometimes multiple things happen. It’s crazy. What with the war, the terror (oh, the terror), politics, babies having babies, babies aborting babies, babies eating babies, and um, the weather, it’s tough staying current. It’s bleeding exhausting. I often wonder how other fine news outlets like CNN, Fox, or MSNBC do it.

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Monday, July 23, 2007
Invasive Maneuver
by Julius Serpentine

Action- thy name is Dick

Over the weekend, while President Bush prepared for a little inner reflection via colonoscopy, the Presidential powers were transferred to Vice President Dick Cheney. Yes, for a few short hours Cheney was the man in charge, and despite what some may say about the doctors having to remove Cheney’s Machiavellian, Jim Henson hand from the President before inserting the colonoscopy camera, it was only the second time he has held the powers of the President.

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Monday, July 16, 2007

Why him, Fili? Why?

Oooo, do you smell that? I do. I can smell it so bad I can taste it. Taste it so bad that I’m practically choking on it. I know it’s been a while baby, but the moment is here again, the time has come, for you, Filibuster. Oh, God, you’re so sexy. Dig it.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007
A Man Apart
by Julius Serpentine

The President is no Pacifier, that's for sure.

We think something might be wrong with President Bush.

It may come as a surprise, as these kind of things often do, but we thought you would want to hear the news from someone you trust. Slantmouth is like the terrifyingly trustworthy tandem of your mother sitting atop the shoulders of our ever-truthful Government. Think Master Blaster. How could you not trust that, even with the violent urges?

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Monday, July 2, 2007
Oh, Say Can You See?
by The Colonel

Don't be a retard. Even kids understand patriotism.

Freedom: a word that elicits feelings of passion. Feelings of patriotism. Feelings of pyromania. The great celebration of the founding of this glorious country stands before us and just like every year, the staff here at Slantmouth is going to spend it doing one thing: blowing stuff up.

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